You say goodbye, but I say

Hello. I am not in any way confident that I have anything to say right now. Today marked the end of Juniors 2, and my second week of counseling. My cabin left and I don't miss them. Perhaps I don't form attachments easily, perhaps I am not emotional. perhaps I am only not sentimental, but then again, I think I am all of those things.

Yesterday someone asked me if I love my kids, and I said "I don't know". She said "Will you miss them when they are gone?".

I am supposed to love these kids. The concept is "loving kids to Christ". Do I love them? I think so.

I told her I thought I loved them, and she asked them if I love them like Jesus does. I suppose she was trying to motivate me, she was a head counselor after all.

I don't love them like Jesus does, I love them because Jesus does. I value them because Jesus values them. It makes me sad when I see them hurting eachother because I know it makes God sad. My job is to love these kids, and I do, but I don't miss them. I am genuinely glad that my influence on their life has come to an end, or at least diminished. It is a lot of pressure to know that God is working through you.

Not that I should have to do the work, right? I mean, if God's working through me, what do I have to worry about, right? Yeah, uhuh, whatever.

Now I have to be right with God; now I have to be asking for his help so that I can recieve it, I have to be constantly making sure to ask God for help so that I'm relying on him and not my own adequacy, qualifications, or prerequisites. I have to be sure I'm depending on God otherwise I'm only giving myself, and I'm not enough.

When I think past on the last week, I wish I'd had more chances to rub off on (influence)the kids, but If I could do it again, I wouldn't be more outgoing, I'd be more prayerful.




I want to store up my treasures in heaven, and the last thing I want to do is brag to you, so I'm not going to tell you any stories from the past 2 weeks. I think what I have said so far is very much what I needed to say. Please pray with my during the rest of the summer. If you do not know, I will be counseling a total of three weeks this summer, and other 7 I will be the mountain bike leader. This means that I am not going to be sleeping in a cabin again for another 4 weeks, which will give me plenty of time to prepare myself for my third and final week of counseling this summer, which I'm sure will be altogether different.